I am thankful for all of my siblings, however, I want to pay special tribute to my brother, John. John is a year older and he is my ‘partner’. What does that mean? I am one of six and as I said, my brother and I are a year apart, then there’s a five year gap and my sisters, Jill and Kory are about a year and a half apart. Again, there’s another five year gap, with my sisters Jane and Kate being just short of two years apart. So you see, we each have a partner, and John is my partner.
This is my brother before I was born… clearly he was miserable without me.
Me and John hanging out.
In college John perfected his drinking, something he started in high school. For me, it was college that really marked the beginning of ‘the missing years’. For me, his partner, it was the beginning of almost 20 years of time lost. My brother was disappearing, and eventual for me, he was gone. Not literally disappearing; we still saw him, but it wasn’t my brother sitting there and he wasn’t any kind of reliable partner to me. I no longer had a partner to share things with, to confide in or to lean on. I know I still had my sisters, and thank God for them, but there is a special kind of relationship with your partner and I no longer had mine. He would call me from time to time and simply ask “do you think I am an alcoholic?” to which I would always answer “yes” but that would usually be the extent of the conversation. Partly because he was drinking or had been drinking and I didn’t talk to him when he was drinking. Both to punish him and to protect myself. And partially because he no longer wanted to speak to me when my answer was “yes”.
In April 2006 I called my brother to wish him a happy birthday. In that call he told me that he had quit drinking a few weeks earlier. Thankfully, to his credit and hard work, he is still sober.
I am thankful to have my partner back. I now have him back to share things with, to confide in and to lean on. The journey of internal growth and self exploration he has gone through to bring his life back to good is admirable. I am grateful to have his wisdom and his point of view on things. He is now there to help me and guide me through my struggles and triumphs.
My siblings and I know that having six siblings that actually all get along and all love each other is something special and it’s something we don’t take for granted.
This is John and I now. I am so proud of my brother and I love him very much. I always have, even through ‘the missing years’. But to have him back is something I am very thankful for.
Getting Unstuck 